Saturday, October 17, 2009

Inner Demons part 2

Back to depressing thoughts this time so... I will begin where I believe this paranoia originated.

In middle school people laughed at me. I walked staring at the ground and, wore kind of boring clothes, quite and fat. At first I did not notice the cause of their laughter was me. I thought it was a coincidence. Until I pass two boys in the hallway, after I dropped off a note in the office for a teacher. One said, " this boy likes you." The accused boy looks at me politely for a moment I stare back unaffected, "Hey man that not funny don't play like that. I'm sorry for what he said to you. I don't like you that way. I don't know you." the boy said politely. "That's okay." is all I said as I pass them. From then on I began to see the world and people differently, negatively.

One seceret fcasing (I forgot what that means now, sigh) after another murder on the news, I lost faith in myself and the people around me. I noticed parts of my body I never notice or cared before. It bothered me to see the "love handles" (Do people honestly believe that sounds better?...lurv fat?). I ignored these problems, still am, and further numb myself with my books ,artwork, and friends. I never had a boy tell me I'm pretty.