Oh well

Sooooo Darkpanic believes my mother does not like her because she will not allow me to come over to her house. My mom wants us to meet at a public library instead of my house. (for some odd reasonm our wireless router is not working). However my mom is a causious and paranoid person when it comes to me. She is okay with my brother haging out at his friends houses for hours at a time but with me who asks days in advance have to be intergated. You maybe thinking that my friends could be hoolins. In hight school my friends are all on the honor sometimes the princple's List (All As), no dicplenmnary record, don't drink or smoke, have common sense (execption for a few) and repecrful. I want to know why my brither is getting special treatment in this issue. Well my brother does talk about his friends a lot infront of my parents...I do not because they would think their jokes are inaporperate or don't get it.

I want to confront my mom on it but I...uh...convert to my old habbit of shuting up and letting the subject die. I hate it when I do that!  Ugh it never helps me because I then have all this bent up issues that need to the burst out. sigh uncool

I'm an Adult!

I realize ther are sveeral things I do not like about myself:
   1. My weight 200+ lbs (Must not eat donumts in purse...but they look sooo delicious)
   2.Lazyiness
   3.Horrid spelling and grammar
   4. I tend to allow myself to settle when I am arguing with someone. When someone has a different opnion of me than mine, I will quickly change the arguement in their favor or never go further into it. For the sack of ending the arguement. (Which has excallated insecuries but I ignore them) For intance, Dark Panic and I decided we should discuss our story over the weekend. Dark Panic sugesst I sleep over at her house.

Here's the thing abou tmy mom. She HATES sleep overs ( I think she went to one when she was younger and it ended badly). However she let my brother hangout with at his friends house at late hours of the night. She even askd me once if I was okay with him staing over. i have never gone to a sleepover because of this insane hate of sleepovers. Even when I was invaitd by the daughter of one of my Mothers best firends, she would not let me go. As I got older  my frineds invited me to the movies and their birthday parites. I asked her two days before hand, she interogates me. One time she even told me "just because your friends get to go plaes doesn't mean you have to!" I rarely got invited to places because I always had to say no. My brother ask on the DAY OF she say yes. that is BULL SHIT you know what I do...nothing 

Now  I bring the idea up with my mom, who wil have to drive me, can't drive at the moment, says no. My Mommie knows Dark Panic, she is okay with her droping me off at home but I cannot go over to her house.

So the next day I tell Dark Panic this who suggests I bring up the issue adn say Mom I am an adult and you cannot treat me like I'm a childe...(Warning: do not know that the end result will not help the situation). Later that day I bring up the issue in a very diferent and more respectful way:

Me: Mom why won't you allow me to go to aname's house?

Mom: Nita I like o be causious...she lives in another county, I have not heard anything nice about that county.  If you are going I have to be there.

You know she does that acutally, when I was invited to a birthday party...she would go except for this one time, o when I went to the library for meetings on projects or clubs, guess who mom!